In Europe, where everyone leaves for the beaches on August 1 and doesn't return to work until the new term (it says here), the so-called silly season is well upon us.

It's a tough time for the media, having to turn over newspapers and web sites of record to the work experience crew. Usually there's little to report barring the odd Olympics and the first European war in, oh, 15 years.

But still they plough on with an easy-to-follow formula that keeps the pages ticking over until September. Here we go then, with the blaggers guide to churning out content during the holidays.

1. Sharks spotted off the beaches of England. (This year it's poisonous jellyfish but you get the picture).

2. Red wine is good for you. An all year staple, the benefits of booze usually makes it into the op-ed pieces at Christmas too.

3. Wannabe pop pixie hitches unknown US boyfriend. Step forward Peaches Geldof, whose new husband has the scariest father-in-law in history.

4. Boden versus Burton. Since his holiness Cardinal Blair is no longer holidaying with the pop mafia and, um, the mafia, we've had to make do with shots of pasty Cameron in standard issue Fulham shorts and Gordon almighty in Tony's hand-me-down man slacks. Nice.

5. The weather. Oh alright then, if we must.

6. Boys names, girls names. This one rockets into the 2008 top ten thanks to the ingenious devils who came up with the URL www.gurgle.com.

7. A-level results. Due any day now. We care, deeply.

8. The economy. Come on, it's not that bad yet. You want it bad? Try 35 years ago. Twice the unemployment, three-times the inflation and irony-free flared trousers.  

9. Trivia, trivia, trivia. An octopus has two legs and six arms.  I know because the Telegraph told me.

10. Articles about the silly season. Giles Coren gets all self-referential in The Times. No doubt in pursuit of some good press following his recent rant.

If I've missed any, let me know.